A couple, Bill and Sue, went to the county courthouse to be married, and took their six-year-old son. They got their marriage license, and went before the judge.

The judge looked at their marriage license, and looked at Bill, and said, "Bill, is your legal name 'William'?"

"Yes, Judge."

"And Sue, is your legal name 'Susan'?"

"Yes, Judge."

"Well, please go back to the clerk and ask him to correct your marriage license."

Bill and Sue dutifully go back to the clerk, get a new license, and return to the judge.

He looks at the new license and appears pleased. He then looks up, and starts to speak, but notices their son, playing quietly by himself, for the first time.

"Is that your son?"

"Yes, Judge."

"Are you aware that your son is a technical bastard?"

Bill wrinkles his forehead and replies, "You know, Judge, it's funny, the clerk said the same thing about you."

The Helpful Husband

An elderly woman was caught shoplifting. The store owner thought she had been shoplifting for some time, and finally caught her at it. At trial, she pleaded guilty and threw herself on the mercy of the court. The judge asked, "What did you steal?" "A can of peaches." "Why did you steal them?" "I am too poor to afford peaches but really love them, so I took them." "How many peaches were in the can?" "The label said 'six'." The judge frowned, cleared his throat, and pronounced the sentence: "You stole six peaches, so I sentence you to six days in jail."

As the gallery gasped at the severity of the sentence, her husband stood up in the back of the courtroom and asked if he could say a few words. "Certainly," replied the judge, "If they are relevant."

"Doesn't the police record show that she also stole a can of peas?"